These are some of my favorite part and quotations from one of great parenting books : How Good Parents Raise Great Kids
I. About Communicate … with your kids
A new mother asked a 85 year old grandmother an advice for any-child-rearing tips she might wish to offer, and without hesitation, the old woman trumpeted out one great parenting proclamation in her loud, cackling voice : “ You TALK to him, THAT’S what you do!” -- With only this example, I got the whole point.
One rule from a parent that they interviewed :
“ The most important rule of communication in our house, one that we just would not tolerate any deviation from, was simply this : No yelling, period. We just didn’t allow it and we would not condone it-ever.
Another rule that I found interesting, is Polite Rule.
“Whether the kids were in the mood to talk or not, the rule was, they had to at least acknowledge the other members of the family with a Hello when they came into the room or goodbye or goodnight when they left.
-about negative critism.
Negative critism is toxic. It creates anger and desire for revenge, and it teaches children that faultfinding is perfectly acceptable.
*be available
recognize ur child need to interact with you, busy or not, please making yourself available.
*special times for talking
“If you can’t get through your children, or worse, they can’t get through to you,, society will take great liberties with them because they’re so ill prepared to distinguish truth from fiction. Illusion then turns into delusion – and sometimes it never ends.”
Listening and Talking Techniques
- wait until things cool down before approaching a child who feels hurt or unheard.
-be more willing to receive than to send messages. “Those who think they know it all have no way of finding out they don’t”.
- Don’t appear overly anxious when talking or give the impression that the conversation is more important to you than your child.
- Relax. The more at ease you are, the more approachable you seem.
Listening and responding – posture, pay attention, keep an open mind, listen quietly, participate, feedback.
II. Encourage Intellectual development
Here is what intelligence is not : an IQ Score.
What was the major factor influencing the superior students? Not surprisingly, their parent’s reading habits. Here again, you are a role model your child wants to emulate, so let her emulate a bookworm- not a couch potato! (those with 2.2 hours per day, less than a third national average of seven hours per day).
When children are very young, get them in the habit of visiting the library. A mother started taking her daughter, twice a week when she was only 18 months old. The result? Valedictorian of her graduating class, dean’s list four years running, and just a terrific kid .
2. Linguistic intelligence
- Ask questions that stimulate your child”s mind, find your child’s interest level, and reflect how well you are communicating.
- let her take your grocery list
3. Mathematical intelligence
About School and study
Key to Japanese children’s extraordinary academic competence was- their mothers. We can follow them, who takes it upon heself to be the responsible agent , reinforcing the educational process instituted in the school. Parents must reinforce the educational process. Get involved.
Help your child balance his life. School is not the only job he has, living is the other. Academic endeavors should be balanced with extracurricular activities.
- Help your child establish goals.
- Ask your child mind-opening questions about her goals.
-To stay on track, have your student use the most basic of time management tools: a calendar.
- Guard against the greatest hazard of all : wasting time.
III. Discipline
The main difference between the winners and losers when all else is equal is discipline.
Giving in to children”s every demand is not an act of love.
There are 3 basics discipline styles : permissive, authoritarian and authoritative. The most pervasive is the permissive one, bcoz it takes the least effort, and gives parents a false sense of security that their children will always loves them. Avoid it at all costs.
“ The less quality disciplining a child receives, the more likely he is to grow up unloving and disrespectful. Children develop an ability to make decisions only if they are allowed to interact with their parents.
About rules and freedom
“our long-term goal was not to maintain control over our children forever, it was to gradually relinquish it as they grew up and beame more and more capable of fending for themselves.
Tips: don’t ask your younger children if they are ready for dinner, tell them it is time for dinner.
Make contracts.
-Slapping, hitting, publicly scolding, screaming, and other verbal abuse can cause long-lasting, deeply felt wounds that fester into resentment, humiliation, shame, and anger. It is never acceptable.
Nb: this book make a good point about spanking..but you should’ve read it by yourself J
Attention-getting behavior
Finding the cause of behavioral problems, rather than treating the symptoms, will change behavior.
About Overprotecting and overattending
